I've found a friend who died for me

I've been reflecting on what i have done in 2008.
since just now when i got home.
Even though this year flew by really fast,
Many things happened.
My life changed for the better!
but sadly it still needs more changes.

Since this year is a really crucial and important year as i have my O lvls.
well, i'm in sec 5.(i'll explain how i feel about this later)

just now before i got home, sth happen and what tiffany said affected me,
like woke me up. That got me reflecting on the past year and what i have done.
my life changed yea? yeah. but there are still some areas in my life where i am lazy, i get myself in-debt(dunnoe how to handle money) and my blurness and carelessness that got me into money-borrowing.

The past year that went by just like that,
ok i did do a good job as an usher head, but there is still room for improvements
like reporting on time.
but thats for ushering. what about in cell? as a leader?
I admit that i have nothing as a cell leader for 2008.
Thats what made me very sad and disappointed, with myself.

i always gave myself that excuse that cos tiffany came in and so she somewhat took on the role of CL. but thats just an excuse to run away from my duty.
this is not Tiffany's fault.
It's mine.

so this year, to Noella and Jake, since you appointed me Cell Leader, I will change and really be a leader in cell. I will step out of my comfort zone.
I really need god to help me with this.
When they chose me as cell leader, i was quite.... like had the shitty feeling like why they wanna choose a failure like me, who cnt even stop a cell member who was fooling around. That made Noella disappointed in me. and it all happened just now.

On the way home, the holy spirit spoke to me.
They wanna make me a cell leader is because God wants to give me another chance.

And about the Sec 5 thing i said just now, yea Junhong was like "hey Joshua, school start already rite? you noe in the afternoon orchard road is very empty?
haha i still on holidays man."

Ok i am not angry at him.
I just felt embarrassed. all my sec 4 frens they are CMs this year.
Jake, Wenhao, Karina, Phuisee.
all of them i mean i am same age as them and they are like mentoring me.
it gives me all rights to not listen to them. But it also tells me that i shld be the one to be a cell leader cos i have the experience for 2 years and i shld be mature enough to be a cell leader.
And about the comment junhong said to me, it really hurt me alot.
really really pain. but i am not angry with him. i'll just offer it up to God.

so for the next coming year,
here is my Prayer:

Dear God,
I come before you again.
I pray that you will be able to use me again.
I pray that you will guide me and allow me to dwell in your presence everywhere that i go that you will always be with me, watching over me.
dear God, help me to be a better leader this year.
Help me with the areas in my life which i am not so good at.
Areas like Responsibility and Money managing.
Dear God, I pray that you will give me responsibility to lead a cell and to raise an usher head for the next generation.
dear God, i also pray that you will help me manage my money too.
I dunwanna owe people money that i can't repay.
Dear God i pray that you would provide for my need because you, My God is a god who provides. Dear God i pray that you would grant my the insight to seperate good and evil. Help me to stand for the things that are righteous and to detest which that are bad. Let also the words that come out of my mouth be words of encouragement and words that you want to speak through me.
Dear God i pray that in this year you will lead me and to help me seek first your kingdom and your righteousness because after that, all these things shall me granted onto me. help me to place you in the center of my life because with you in the centre, everything will be pieced together. Dear God, i pray that you will guide me and lead me, take away too the hurt in my heart and grant me forgiveness to forgive those who hurt me. I commit all these in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.